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July 2012

Hashtag Lazy

My day ended early and I’m now at home back in my Jammies and watching TV. I’m also stuffing my face with a hoggie. Is that how it’s spelled? Auto-correct says that’s wrong. ‘prolly is… I have a small brain. Anyway, after I get done with the TV, sandwich (that’s spelled right) and stretching my back out causa’ it hurts, I’m going to masturbate like crazy. I guess I’m gonna stretch my d*ck out too. So, I guess there will be an update to this post.
I like to share details.

I’m totally naked.

I lied. I just titled that so you people would read this. Or for you dummies, someone would read it to you.
Now, back to me. I can’t sleep! It’s after 5 AM and no sleepie. I’ve done everything I can think of: I masturbated (twice), and then I ate a salad (with cheese, so my *ss will be f*cked up tomorrow), I nailed 26, and I watched about 3 minutes of that Mariah Carey movie (I was sure it would put me right to sleep, but it just made me feel suicidal). And then I masturbated again. Now I’m watching a cartoon with turtles in it. I hope they f*ck in the end. I really like it when cartoon turtles make the sex.
I will ‘prolly sleep aaaaall day tomorrow. Thank goodness I’m not scheduled to f*ck anyone (for ca$h, because I’m good at what I do).
Good Morning Wh*res! Have a great day!!

Another Google/Apple debate in my (small) brain.

Has anyone switched from Apple’s ecosystem to Google’s? I wanna hear experiences. Is anyone FULLY on Google (Chromebook, Android, Google TV, Google Play, Google Drive etc. “Living in Google’s Cloud and using only Google devices and OS’s”…). If so, I wanna talk to you.


I PROMISE that this is the 1% of the time where I’m not going to say anything sexual or talk dirrty or toilet. It’s Sunday, July 29th, 2012… it’s my smut-free day.


Yeah… So back to Google. Responses please. Anyone who responds with real-world answers/experience gets Oral from me.
Wait… what?

Socks are the new T&A

Is anyone interested in hearing about my masterbatory event this morning putting me back to sleep for an hour? Of course you do.
So there I am stuffing myself into a sock, thinking of Madonna’s MDNA Boobie showing, and the next thing you know, I weigh approximately 4oz’s less and am falling asleep.
Does this turn you on? You’re all sick little Whr*res.

(only a single tube sock was moistened during the making of this photo)

Bossa Nova & Cake Farts

I had dinner with two huge homosexuals tonight at a classy joint called Bossa Nova. There was a lovely couple behind us having what seemed like their first date. Between sexually harassing the wait staff and talking smut with the gays, I was entertained. But then, the gayer one of the two sh*t-stuffers gives me a video to watch on his iPhone while his sodomizer video’d my reaction. This video was called “cakefarts” and it was absolutely f*cking hilarious! God bless the low-life who came up with this. I laugh my silly little *ss off, and the poor couple behind us could see and hear everything that was coming out of that iPhone. They looked upset and mortified.

It was totally worth it.

(no one was injured in the making of this video… except the lovely couple behind us who heard *ss-sound coming from the iPhone. hope it made for a memorable first date!)