Browse Month

May 2015

Amazon Fail

Scroll through folks, it’s a good read (no pun intended!)

You are now connected to Anirudh H from Amazon.com
Me: Where do I find Lending Library for Prime within Amazon site 
Anirudh H: Hello, my name is Anirudh H. I’m here to help you today. 
Me: I’m a time member and would like to find where I can borrow the 1 free book a month… 
*Prime member 
Anirudh H: I’ll be glad to look into this for you Marc, One moment please. 
That would be the link Marc. Is there anything else that i could look into for you here ? 
Me: Well, some books in there are not free. 
I don’t understand. 
Anirudh H: That’s right Marc. Such books are at a discounted price by the owner of the book. You’d be able to rent such books ata discounted price that the actual one. πŸ™‚ 
Me: That book is in the lending library, but it’s $.99 Cents. 
Where are the FREE books that the Lending Library talks about. The 1 book a month deal… 
Anirudh H: Marc you’d have an option that says prime borrow for fre. 
*free. 
Me: Where is that? 
Anirudh H: Do you se an option to the right corner that says read for free ? 
Me: I’m on Amazon’s site via web browser. And also an iPhone using Kindle App. 
And no, I don’t see it on either. 
Anirudh H: Am sorry about this. Please let me know if you’ve selected the read for free option ? 
Me: WHERE IS THAT OPTION? 
Anirudh H: On the product page to the right corner right under buy now with one click. 
Me: What product page? 
Anirudh H: Marc are you trying from your Kindle device ? 
Me: No. I already said I’m on Amazon’s webpage and also on an iPhone using the kindle App. 
Anirudh H: You’d be able to use the loan book only from a Kindle device Marc. not from a application for Kindle 
I’ll get you connected to the retail team so that they could help you understand the features of prime better. It’ll take about a minute to get you connected. 
Please hold the line for me./ 
Me: I can’t borrow from my Amazon account via MacBook or any Kindle App? ONLY on a Kindle device? 
A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.
You are now connected to Rachel from Amazon.com
Rachel: Hello, my name is Rachel, your Amazon.com customer chat support. 
By the way nice meeting you! 
Me: No, Just tell me y do this from an actual Kindle device. 
I’m so annoyed. 
Rachel: To better assist you, can you tell me more about your concern, please? 
Me: The last person was an idiot and we went around in circle. 
Rachel: Sorry for the inconvenience. 
Me: ***Can I borrow the 1 free book a month being a Prime customer from ANYTHING but an actual Kindle device i.e: Macbook on Amazon’s site, iPhone/iPad with the kindle App? 
Rachel: I understand that you want to know more about your membership. No worries, I’ll certainly help regarding your concern. 
Kindly give me a minute or two to check. 
Me: All the benefits of Prime should be available through the kindle App. That’s what it’s for. If I can buy a book through the Apps Amazon provide for other platforms, I should be able to BORROW the FREE books you offer with my Prime membership. 
Rachel, just yes or no at this point would be great. 
Can I borrow my 1 free book/month give that I’m a Prime member from my Kindle App on my Mac, iPhone and iPad…? 
Rachel: Yes you can access to thousands of books to borrow and read for free on Kindle devices, as frequently as a book a month, with no due dates 
Me: GREAT. Now please tell me how to do that. I’m on a Mac with Kindle App, and iPhone with Kindle App. Where is the Free lending Library that comes with Prime membership? Walk me through it. 
Kindle DEVICES are different than Kindle APPS… 
You recognize the difference, right? 
Rachel: Yes. 
Me: OK. I’m on both the Mac and iPhone. Kindle Apps are opened. Tell me where to go from here. 
Rachel: I’m sorry for the inconvenience it caused you. 
I’m sorry I am unable to assist you directly since this is a Kindle issue. However, what I can do to help is transfer your chat to one of our Kindle Specialist for best assistance. Please stay connected while I transfer your chat. 
A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.
You are now connected to Anirudh H from Amazon.com
Me: This is ridiculous. Who trains you people? 
I have been transferred twice. Can no one answer a simple question? 
A Customer Service Associate will be with you in a moment.
You are now connected to Amazon from Amazon.com
Amazon: Hello, my name is Sowmith. 
I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Marc. 
Due to technical issues, the chat has been transferred multiple times. 
Me: And I guess I’m now on my 3rd transfer, lol. What the H*ll is going on over there?? 
Amazon: Please give me a moment, I’ll check the previous transcript and get this done for you. 
Me: Technical meaning the last 3 folks had no idea how to answer a pretty straight forward question. 
I’m very surprised at this. Amazon is pretty great about customer service. 
Amazon: It’s not about answering the query. They were unable to pull up your account information. Yes, and I do apologize for what had happened. 
Please give me a chance to look to your primary question. 
Me: My account info had no bearing on my question. 
I was asking about how to access the free Lending Library books that are offered with the Prime membership. Again, nothing to do with my account. 
Please scroll up and read everything. 
Amazon: Yes, I’ll answer your question now. 
Sure, Marc. 
I understand that you’d like to know information on how to access Kindle Owners’ Lending Library which is offered with Prime subscription. 
Me: Um, yes. 
Through Amazon’s Kindle Apps for Mac, and iOS. 
Is it possible, yes or no. 
Amazon: Kindle Owners’ Lending Library is an exclusive for Prime members who are also owners of “Kindle” devices. 
Me: Or is it only possible with an actual Kindle DEVICES? 
Amazon: It can only be accessed on Kindle devices. 
You can either use Kindle E Ink Reader, Kindle Fire Tablet or Fire Phone to access Kindle Owners’ Lending Library. 
Me: THANK YOU. I have spent 40 minutes with 4 Amazon Airheads who could not answer this!!! 
Amazon: You will be able to purchase one book per month at free of cost. 
Me: What is the point of offering Prime Video, Prime Music and Prime Shopping but NOT Prime Lending Library??? 
Well, like everyone else in the world, I don’t have a fire Phone, so there goes that. 
Thanks for your help. 
Amazon: It’s just a promotional feature which is included with other Prime benefits. 
You’re welcome, Marc. I apologize for the inconvenience caused today. 
Me: Yes, but it’s the only one not offered via web, or kindle Apps. 
Makes no sense. 
Amazon: Yes, thats why it’s named as Kindle Owners’ Lending Library. 
Me: Point taken. Well played. 
Amazon: If that was something which can be accessible on other Kindle Reading Apps and PCs, then it would have been just Lending Library from the start. 
Me: Again, good save. Kudos. 
Mr. Bezos would cringe if he saw this thread. 
Amazon: Again, I would like to ask for an another chance to prove our services. 
Me: Have a great day today. 
Amazon: Is there anything else that I can be of assistance? 
Me: We already love your services, minus this Lending Library only being available to Kindle Device owners. 
1 free book/month hardly makes buying a Kindle worth it. Unless you’d like to send us 1 for free. 
Amazon: Yes, I understand. I do feel the pain not able to avail complete benefits when $99 is being charged. 
Me: Otherwise we do love everything Amazon. 
Amazon: Thank you for that support. I hope you got your answer. 
Me: The new $59/year Unlimited Drive just put Amazon in a whole new league. Kudos to Mr. Bezos for that. πŸ™‚ 
Yes. Thanks. Great day to you. 
Amazon: You too, Marc. Have a great day. Thanks for contacting Amazon. Click on End Chat to submit us the feedback. 
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Amazon from Amazon.com is onlineSecure Connection.

Perfect Poo

I woke up from a 12 hour nap. That’s another story… Anyway before I went to sleep I took the supplements that are supposed to help cleanse your colon. I have taken them before but not three nights in a row like I have now. The first two mornings were okay – call them a little sloppy… but just now, at 4 AM when I woke up with a cramp, I just had the best, the easiest, the smoothest, the most normal BM I have ever had. I would like to thank my friend Mark for turning me onto this supplement. I no longer have to schedule my sh*rs- or prop up the iPad in the bathroom in preparation for a 1 to 2 episode marathon of my favorite show while I take a very long drawnout pasty poop.

I share this with you because I know you all are dying to get my *ss updates.

Just lie to them.

So last night I was told that if I started making up crazy stories and publishing them to my blog, I could monetize the blog and make money. This advice was given to me by a talent manager I had met at a truck stop while filling up my diesel car. After I told her that I already had a blog and I didn’t really need to make anything up (because my real life antics are good enough) she assured me it probably isn’t enough to bring much traffic. Well, I told her what my online handle was and wished her and her diesel-truck-owning husband a good day. About 20 minutes later I get a DM from her on Twitter saying “Oh my God, your blog is SO funny and RANDOM!! You’re a funny guy. And kudos on playing your audience with your sass!”

Um, she seemed so exited… but to me, this is just everyday. 14 facebook profiles shut down, Friendster kicked me off for having “too many friends” (right when I hit 1 million), and even Yelp deleted my account for making (hilarious) reviews. Yeah, this all seems normal to me. The only way I’d like being me more is if I made more Vlogs to share with the crazy people that follow me. But you guys are so not worth it. You’re just a bunch of Wh*res- and you know it.