Browse Author


Lay me… (down)

“So wait- Daddy, you just picked me up and PUT me on the couch?! You mean, as long as this blanket is laid out, I am ALLOWED on the couch? I’m confused and a little scared that I’m gonna get yelled at for being up here…. No?”

“Don’t worry, 26. Yes, I put that blanket down so your white hair won’t get all over the couch. But yeah, you’re allowed up there now! That’s why I put you up there!! Yaaaaaaaaaah!”
“Oh, and 26, can you get Daddy those peach-colored pills… I’m talking to a cat that’s not talking to me. Cats don’t talk. Don’t worry, Daddy will be fine.”

(my brain was confused, but not hurt during the taking of this photo)

Poop differences…

And here’s a little something to bring it back old school: My Poop.
When I eat Mikkie Dee’s, my morning poop is astounding. (See exhibit A). And when I eat a big heathy salad with tuna and raisins, some fresh fruit, or maybe a hardy PB&J on whole wheat, my poop is sparse. (See exhibit B). Actually, just look at pictures of my poop. that’s most important.
Goooood Morning!!

Exhibit A. (my eyes hurt just looking at it, seriously. yours should too, or you’re a sick and twisted f*cker.)
 Exhibit B. (nothing really hurts looking at this one. this is a more harmless version of my sh*t. and it didn’t do any damage to my starfish, like the last one did.)