Browse Author


I found love…

Last night I went to get a salad at my favorite restaurant, Mikke-Dee’s. I was asked if I wanted to try the new Chicken McBites. I’m not an easy sell. But the chick in the window said “They’re way better than the chicken McNuggets!” I felt a fight coming on. Instead of kicking her *ss, I decided to just make a liar out if her. I bought them and merrily drove home. Fast forward 20 minutes and I’m practically j*rking *ff to this explosion of new found goodness that was in my mouth! I don’t know that chicks name, but I thank her. And hey, the little box container thingie that they come in flips its top to hold the dipping sauce thing!! I totally found love!
PS: I’m sh*tting them out right now and the logs are happy logs. My *ss agrees with the tasty little f*ckers.

Dumb b*tch driving & chatting away on her cell phone…

This dumb dumb b*tch almost rear ended me (c’mon people, heads out of gutters please) 3 times at 3 stop signs. Then she ran the 4th one in a school zone and kids were everywhere. The responsible me threw f*ck it to the wind. I got out, took her picture and did the thumb/pinky thing to my face (universal for “phone” in any language… wait- or “call me”. Crap. I hope she doesn’t call me.) Anyway, then she went a little crazy and tried to pull up next to my car so I couldn’t get in. She was off by about 4 feet, so getting in was as easy as gliding into a wh*re in Vegas (I’m assuming, I swear). So, now picture it: she is on her phone still, at a stop sign, in front of a school and in the wrong lane and the guy she was “parked” in front of was honking at her like a crazy man. (I would have too).
I’m not gonna lie. I felt vindicated.

It’s Friday, no one will notice I’m slamming someone by posting this… Will they?

So, just like some websites own your stuff the moment you post your sh*t there, I am going to pretend I am doing the same thing here…. “I own it because you wrote it & sent it to me” kind of deal…. 
Here’s the story behind this one: This D*uchie D*uche-Bag friended me on Facebook, and because I believe in free speech and not editing things just because they don’t lean in your favor, I let him stay on my Facebook as long as he wanted and as long as he didn’t bash my other peeps. So anyway, he would trash comment just about every Status Update I would post, and post on my Wall that I was a terrible person for humoring the way I do. He pretty much saw me as the Devil. So then, months into our love affair, he starts a nasty fight with one of my peeps, and you know how I love me my VocalVirgo’s (because I like being popular) so I removed him from my Friends list (1 of 3 who were d*uchie enough to earn that prize). So, what you see is his 4 messages to me after he realized we weren’t “friends” anymore, and well….. it’s sort of self-explanatory. And no, I never responded to them. Oh, I meant to say he was a “CRAZY” D*uchie D*uche-Bag!! 🙂 Yaaaaaaaaaah! Happy Cheer!
(no one was hurt in the making of this picture. but someone sure did get laughed at a lot!)

Another bad influence… I am indeed, going to Hell.

Todd Hulehan is not a d*uche. He’s actually a good & funny guy. He’s just slow in the brain area. And to make it worse, he’s a Gay. 
Now, in case you are wondering why I answered “An Apple Computer”, it’s not because unfortunate children should be given the best computer and operating system on Earth, it’s because Toddy works at an Apple Store. But I won’t say which one because you all know how I like to stay out of trouble (The Grove, Los Angeles: 9am-5:30pm Mon-Thur; 10am-6:30pm Sun.)
That’s what he gets for trying to steal my tag-line “You’re Welcome”. I also own “Sh*t on Me” and “Pee in my Mouth”.
(only 1 person will be hurt because of the posting of this photo- Me… when Todd finds out I posted it. Holler!!)