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I guess someone wanted a Motorola Xoom badly enough…

Here layeth an empty demo table that used to house a Moto Xoom. Apparently, quite a struggle, and 2 different alarms going off didn’t warrant anyone in the unlucky store to lock the doors, call the police, get the in-store security guard….  or whatever would normally take place during a robbery. And this is why: Not a single person heard any of the commotion. Straight from the store manager’s mouth- no one knew it was being stolen until the actual sound- the *crack* of the display podium and the desperate man letting out an exhausted groan. He then fled the store loudly and wildly. Security cameras revealed the guy was destroying this demo table for a full 2 minutes before the Xoom finally broke away. The manager was nice enough to let me take pictures for you wh*res.

(only 1 Motorola Xoom was hurt in the taking of these photographs)

What’s wrong with my Office?

I just had someone offer to “paint my office walls how they should be”. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. I think they look good, and get better every day :). But, if there is anyone out there who thinks they can draw “Naked Lady Kicking” better than me- go for it. I warn you though: I am a highly skilled artist drawing at what I’d like to believe is a 3rd grade level. That’s pretty f*cking good for being 100% self taught! And to be totally honest, I’m not sure anyone else has the precise Red for her sn*tch. Is “Sn*tch” a bad word? Do I even need to asterisk it out?

Update on “Fart. Smells. So. Bad”

I’m so shy, so please bear with me while I buster up the nerve to talk about my BM….

So here it is, and this is as shocking as it is disappointing… I’m sitting in my office and the logs are coming out firmly. There is absolutely no odor. There isn’t even any “In-Poop-Farting” (not that I have to explain this, because I’m sure we all know, but this is when you fart while a log is either moving out of or stopped to take a break from exiting your *ss), which really, for me, is the only thing that makes me laugh anymore. No giggling on the toilet today. This sh*t is a total let down. Honestly.

I had sex last night…

I wasn’t going to mention this, because you all know how shy I am… but I had me some sex last night. It was a wild time. I’m going to ask her to come back over tonight. @Rosie was the second best lay I ever had. @realDonaldTrump was better, but only because he was willing to do some crazy sh*t, @Rosie is too much of a lady. And she has way nicer hair. And I’m sad to say, @realDonaldTrump has carpeting that does indeed match the drapes, and that made it pretty difficult to do the oral.