So I took a few hour road trip north of San Francisco because I thought it would be great to get away on a non-animal-rescue-mission (because I’m like a #SuperHero) and I found this great BLM place near Cow Mountain. I emailed the department and they responded and said the land was open for camping first come/first served. So, I packed up the rats, kissed my cat goodbye, pet the BF’s dog on the head and gave the BF a sharp smack on his *ss (so he doesn’t forget me while I’m gone) and then I hit the road in the RV. I stopped for gas after 1/3 of the way out. And GodD*mnIt if the fuel-guzzling big block 454 didn’t get the exact same MPG as the last fuel up: 9.1 MPG. I mean holy sh*t. I’m a tree hugger and my 10,000 lb house on wheels drinks gasoline like a wh*re drinks… well… you know what I’m saying here. Anyway, all was good and quite pleasant until I got to the “Road Narrows” sign. Then it got worse at the “Pavement Ends” sign. It was raining and there was a lot of water and mud coming down the road as I was climbing through the woods into the mountain. And wouldn’t you know it- a mud slide. Nothing big, I could still get around it. But then a mile or so after that a really big one. Before I tried to go around it I assessed how screwed I might be. And took a picture. Then I crept around it without sliding. It just got worse from there. I wanted to turn around but there was absolutely nowhere to do it. And more water and mud was coming down. Believe it or not I got to the sign saying it was 5 miles to the site. Then 2 miles later I see a turnoff saying 3 more miles. About 1/2 a mile up, there was so much mud coming down and it was raining so much just making it worse, that the beast finally lost traction and I was spinning the duallies but slipping backward. Now a front tire is off the road hanging in a current of water pouring down the side of the road. I didn’t panic and I just hung my head out the window with one of those amazing flashlights that can light up even the tightest Mormon. 1/2 mile backing down a slippery, muddy mountain road and I only went off the road once. That’s pretty good. Anyway, I was able to turn around at the turnoff and pull into the parking area for the vehicles that were towing their 3 wheelers and 4 wheelers and first bikes ect. It was then that I realized that f*cking @AppleMaps was taking me THROUGH a HOV vehicle only road. I mean sh*t how I got even as far as I did I don’t know. But the road strictly prohibits any street vehicle from going further than the lot that they park in to unload their off-road toys. Holy. Cr*p. I could have gone off a cliff!
So even though I planned on staying out and off the grid for a few day, now I REALLY have to because the godd*mned road has to be washed out by now. I’m staying put until a ranger comes by to tell me I shouldn’t be up here. #Duh. I’m stocked for 3 or 4 days. So f*ck it. It’s f*cking nice up here. I bet you in the morning it’s gonna be beautiful. I’m probably in an amazing place on the side of this mountain with incredible views. I don’t know because it’s dark.
So anyway if you never hear from me again I probably either got eaten by a bear or rapped by a park ranger. Oh, if I could only chose! This feels like a zombie apocalypse or #IntoTheWild (but with marginal WiFi service).
Oh! And my iPad went into “Extended 1x” service/signal. Don’t care what that means. All I know is that I can post this to my blog. I am not even going to try and include a photo of the mudslide because it would take 4 days to upload. (Not complaining, I swear!). I am loving @Verizon right now though. My AT&T mobile phone can suck it with its “no signal”.
Ok, I’m done.
I’ll try to post tomorrow mornings mountainside photo to @instagram.
I’m totally gonna #Masturbate now.
I’m not proofreading this because I am #Lazy, so any and all typos and spelling errors can #SuckIt too.