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This is almost like a #ZombieApocalypse

So I took a few hour road trip north of San Francisco because I thought it would be great to get away on a non-animal-rescue-mission (because I’m like a #SuperHero) and I found this great BLM place near Cow Mountain. I emailed the department and they responded and said the land was open for camping first come/first served. So, I packed up the rats, kissed my cat goodbye, pet the BF’s dog on the head and gave the BF a sharp smack on his *ss (so he doesn’t forget me while I’m gone) and then I hit the road in the RV. I stopped for gas after 1/3 of the way out. And GodD*mnIt if the fuel-guzzling big block 454 didn’t get the exact same MPG as the last fuel up: 9.1 MPG. I mean holy sh*t. I’m a tree hugger and my 10,000 lb house on wheels drinks gasoline like a wh*re drinks… well… you know what I’m saying here. Anyway, all was good and quite pleasant until I got to the “Road Narrows” sign. Then it got worse at the “Pavement Ends” sign. It was raining and there was a lot of water and mud coming down the road as I was climbing through the woods into the mountain. And wouldn’t you know it- a mud slide. Nothing big, I could still get around it. But then a mile or so after that a really big one. Before I tried to go around it I assessed how screwed I might be. And took a picture. Then I crept around it without sliding. It just got worse from there. I wanted to turn around but there was absolutely nowhere to do it. And more water and mud was coming down. Believe it or not I got to the sign saying it was 5 miles to the site. Then 2 miles later I see a turnoff saying 3 more miles. About 1/2 a mile up, there was so much mud coming down and it was raining so much just making it worse, that the beast finally lost traction and I was spinning the duallies but slipping backward. Now a front tire is off the road hanging in a current of water pouring down the side of the road. I didn’t panic and I just hung my head out the window with one of those amazing flashlights that can light up even the tightest Mormon. 1/2 mile backing down a slippery, muddy mountain road and I only went off the road once. That’s pretty good. Anyway, I was able to turn around at the turnoff and pull into the parking area for the vehicles that were towing their 3 wheelers and 4 wheelers and first bikes ect. It was then that I realized that f*cking @AppleMaps was taking me THROUGH a HOV vehicle only road. I mean sh*t how I got even as far as I did I don’t know. But the road strictly prohibits any street vehicle from going further than the lot that they park in to unload their off-road toys. Holy. Cr*p. I could have gone off a cliff!
So even though I planned on staying out and off the grid for a few day, now I REALLY have to because the godd*mned road has to be washed out by now. I’m staying put until a ranger comes by to tell me I shouldn’t be up here. #Duh. I’m stocked for 3 or 4 days. So f*ck it. It’s f*cking nice up here. I bet you in the morning it’s gonna be beautiful. I’m probably in an amazing place on the side of this mountain with incredible views. I don’t know because it’s dark.
So anyway if you never hear from me again I probably either got eaten by a bear or rapped by a park ranger. Oh, if I could only chose! This feels like a zombie apocalypse or #IntoTheWild (but with marginal WiFi service).
Oh! And my iPad went into “Extended 1x” service/signal. Don’t care what that means. All I know is that I can post this to my blog. I am not even going to try and include a photo of the mudslide because it would take 4 days to upload. (Not complaining, I swear!). I am loving @Verizon right now though. My AT&T mobile phone can suck it with its “no signal”.
Ok, I’m done.
I’ll try to post tomorrow mornings mountainside photo to @instagram.

I’m totally gonna #Masturbate now.

I’m not proofreading this because I am #Lazy, so any and all typos and spelling errors can #SuckIt too.

Beauty is a Beast!

I’m camping up in very Northern California at a really great spot. This is a total non-animal-rescue trip. This is just for poops & laughs. But God, is it beautiful up here. There are SO many National Parks, State and BLM land you can stay at completely¬†free. Unless you hate crickets, deer walking up to your rig/tent at night and gorgeous streams, ponds, mountains and rediculous star-filled skies, there is no reason for you to not toss the family and some camping gear in the car and go to one of thousands of awesome places to go unwind. Although I’m sharing the pictures on @Instagram tomorrow, check them out below. #RVLife #NoAnimals #TimeByYourself #Nature


Gorgeous pond with lots of horny Bullfrogs.


Parked in the trees


Let the sunshine. Let the sunshine in.


Seriously, this is my view!