Browse Category

#VocalVirgo

Regular Poop to Mushy Poop to The Liquid Sh*ts

This title really does say it all. Why does that happen? I want an actual medical explanation as to why, rolling into my 10-12 minute time on the toilet my BM has gone from solid and respectable- impressive even, to mushy and not fun to wipe up after, to liquid (first just falling, then more power driven.. let’s say “rocket-like” or “explosive”). I’d really like to know why this happens? Is it the cheese ravioli from last night- or the fact that I stole them from my friend’s fridge (I really did) and I’m being punished for stealing…?
I’m still pooping. It’s been 15 minutes. And it smells in here.

Keep no secrets, tell no lies.

So, I don’t really have any secrets, at least none that anyone would care about. So here’s a little ditty that most people wouldn’t share to a bunch of wh*rey strangers, but I’ll totally tell MY wh*rey strangers: This tiny little pill my Crazy Doctor (not “my Doctor is crazy ‘Crazy'” he’s a Psychiatrist, so he’s a “Crazy Doctor”, just like I’d call a Gynecologist as a P*ssy Doctor) gave me to help me sleep REALLY works, I’m back to my normal 12 hours/night, lol. But the funny side effect is that it makes me wanna eat EVERYTHING in the kitchen. I have woken up with a small party’s worth of cleaning to do the next morning in the kitchen! Seriously, it’s like a pot pill. All I wanna do is munch munch munch (lesbians-focus… focus) and then I fall asleep!
And that’s it. You may continue what you were doing.

Ah… The good Ol’ Days of Facebook.

I remember when someone posted this on my Facebook Wall and *I* got in FB trouble. It was funny though. People would post hi-LARIOUS stuff on my Wall and then I would get in trouble….. Until, as we all know, FB took down my profile. Oh well!!
So anyway, here is one of my bestest most favoritest things I ever didn’t do and gotted in trouble for… :).

How much did I love her for posing with us?!?

I’m pretty sure my neighbor is going through my garbage…

I went to put some recycling in the bin already rolled up onto the street tonight, and I noticed a bag that I had put in there a few days ago with ripped up bills and papers was empty, and sitting in top. I kinda pulled a Jersey-Boy move and went through the bin a little and my torn up papers were nowhere to be found. I wonder what my nasty old geriatric neighbor finds so interesting about my torn up bills etc…. I’m putting a note in the next bag of papers saying “Stay the f*ck out of my garbage, you dirty old garbage-picker!”
See- I feel better already!