Good Morning fellow VocalVirgo’s. I have an announcement:
I cheated and lied to you all. Mostly because I don’t respect any of you enough to give a sh*t.
Today I was supposed to be on a job site bright and early to learn some new stuff (a.k.a. on a new corner learning how to work it). But at 4AM, I was woken from my beauty gorgeous flawless sleep because my *ss told me to. Usually I don’t have to make doody in the middle of the night, but whatever. Fast forward an hour or so and (let me describe this as only I can) and there I am in the “office” continuing to have explosive diarrhea. I mean, it wouldn’t stop. And yes, I found myself giving myself courtesy flushes. In between violent bouts of black gold, I emailed my new boss (who I’m pretty sure wants to sleep with me. Again) to tell him I may be late getting to where I needed to be at 9AM. Well, it was just past 9AM when I fired up this Blog to share this story with you Wh*res, and I can safely tell you- I am so not making it to work today. I can’t even think of leaving the close proximity of my favorite seat in the house.
Where does SO much poop come from??
OK, so here’s the part where I lied to you… I may or may not have treated myself to Mickie-Dee’s last night after promising to never eat there again and go cold turkey. That was on my Bday, more than 2 months ago. I SWEAR this is the first time I attempted to fall off the wagon. I just lied again. I got french fries from there 2 weeks ago but whatever. We all know I’m a filthy Wh*re… and all Wh*res lie.
I guess the moral of the story is that my *ss can take a lot of things… (wait… What? No…), But McDonald’s it can no longer stomach. I mean I was REALLY sick, and I’m still makin’ the poops. I am formally, publicly breaking up with the “Number 1, no pickle and a Coke”. That makes me so sad.
PS: Diarrhea pills from the $.99 Cent Store do not work. Just a heads-up. You’re Welcome.