Poor Pastor Brad Rice

I couldn’t help it. His Facebook profile was just there staring me in the face. He had made fun comments to my posts, followed me, stalked me, s*cked me in a public bathroom…. OK, none of that is true, but he was laughing at my Status Updates and egging me on. So, I did what any (ab)normal person would do….. I posted on his Wall.
PS, he really was a good sport about it. I even talked to him on the tele and he was completely un-offended. Too bad. I tried.

(only 1 Pastor was embarrassed in the posting of this)

Sex-for-McNuggets

Sex-for-McNuggets suspect was not @VocalVirgo despite the obvious latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2012/01/… via @LANow

After giggling that you people would think of me when it came to Sex & McDonald’s, I read the article. It actually made me kind of sad. I have, many times, ordered for two, while at the Mikkie-Dee’s drive-thru because I’d see a homeless and probably hungry person waiting to ask for handouts just past the pick-up window. More times than not, the persons seem overjoyed to be offered a meal rather than money.
I drive over to the Crenshaw exit off the 10 East a few nights a week to give the guy that camps out there food. I brought him a blanket the other night because it was freezing. He is in his 60’s or 70’s at least, and is dependent on his wheelchair. This guy could be our Father, our Grandfather, and he sleeps outside. It’s not right.

I know I’m normally here to make you all smile and laugh, so I’m sorry for the downer. But this is one if those things I can’t do a funny little dance around.
Thanks @thedjandi for the mention.

Mad at SoCalGas, mad at my Jewish blood.

As you may already know if you live in Souther California, home gas prices go up 70% in the Fall, and go back down in the Spring. The exact opposite happens with DWP. When it’s time to heat our homes, we pay more. When it’s time to cool our homes, we pay more. We get f*cked here all year round. So, for the past 3 years I have refused to turn on the heater in the house. I use a very toasty Down comforter and a very toasty kitty. I stay warm all night. But mornings like this suck balls. It’s so cold up in here that I can’t stand to get out of bed. My nose is as cold as a librarians tw*t and my d*ck has turned into an innie. I have no balls that I can find. So, theres my complaint.
That’s all. You’re Welcome.

I guess someone wanted a Motorola Xoom badly enough…

Here layeth an empty demo table that used to house a Moto Xoom. Apparently, quite a struggle, and 2 different alarms going off didn’t warrant anyone in the unlucky store to lock the doors, call the police, get the in-store security guard….  or whatever would normally take place during a robbery. And this is why: Not a single person heard any of the commotion. Straight from the store manager’s mouth- no one knew it was being stolen until the actual sound- the *crack* of the display podium and the desperate man letting out an exhausted groan. He then fled the store loudly and wildly. Security cameras revealed the guy was destroying this demo table for a full 2 minutes before the Xoom finally broke away. The manager was nice enough to let me take pictures for you wh*res.

(only 1 Motorola Xoom was hurt in the taking of these photographs)

What’s wrong with my Office?

I just had someone offer to “paint my office walls how they should be”. I’m not sure if I should be offended or not. I think they look good, and get better every day :). But, if there is anyone out there who thinks they can draw “Naked Lady Kicking” better than me- go for it. I warn you though: I am a highly skilled artist drawing at what I’d like to believe is a 3rd grade level. That’s pretty f*cking good for being 100% self taught! And to be totally honest, I’m not sure anyone else has the precise Red for her sn*tch. Is “Sn*tch” a bad word? Do I even need to asterisk it out?

Update on “Fart. Smells. So. Bad”

I’m so shy, so please bear with me while I buster up the nerve to talk about my BM….

So here it is, and this is as shocking as it is disappointing… I’m sitting in my office and the logs are coming out firmly. There is absolutely no odor. There isn’t even any “In-Poop-Farting” (not that I have to explain this, because I’m sure we all know, but this is when you fart while a log is either moving out of or stopped to take a break from exiting your *ss), which really, for me, is the only thing that makes me laugh anymore. No giggling on the toilet today. This sh*t is a total let down. Honestly.