Look at the fuel gauge, and then look at the miles driven….. for you sTuPiT people, it’s the number at the bottom (he he, I said “bottom”. that’s a gay term for the guy who takes it up the *ss). Anyway, look at the picture and be jealous.
This was my all time favorite “Sticking Up for Myself” speech! But um… haters kept complaining and Facebook eventually turned my Personal Profile into a “Fan Page” because they said I was a “Public Image” and couldn’t misuse their services anymore. They were kind enough to “Transfer” my Profile instead of deleting me. Pages have 1/2 the features of profiles and I couldn’t interact with my peeps the way we all enjoyed. So… after talking about it for forever, we started the very Blog you’re reading this on!! Yaaaaah me! And now I can say any f*cking thing I want!! GOOGLE believes in freedom of speech and self expression, they say so right on their Blogger sign up pages. So, f*ck Facebook in it’s smelly c*nt!! I got me a podium now and it’s called BLOGGER. Happy Aniversary, Google. We’ve been having this love affair for 3 weeks now and the freedom you give still makes me all drippy down there at the end of my shaft area!
Now, if you could all leave us alone, me and Google are gonna play hide the little VocalVirgo, poke me poke me & do positions #121, #314 and #42. I’ll let you know how it turns out though. #314 is a tough one. Ya gotta really have a strong uvula for that one.
I’m not putting a picture here, you wh*res have already seen my sh*t 100 times. I just wanted to shout out that my *ss is working overtime.
Bla Bla Bla, just watch the video.
Aw… I have this really nice friend who is so upset that someone slammed her and her latest work, on his nasty Blog… It’s one of those “Perez Hilton” type Blog Sites where the blogger trashes people and is just so so mean. Yes, I know that it brings lots of traffic to ones site, but at what cost? People end up being hurt and the blogger ends up being hated. Don’t get me wrong, I think some of those bloggers are smart, but I think they could use the following that they have to try and do some more good in the world. That’s what I’m aiming to do. Listen, I have been the victim of Perez Hilton’s hateful sh*t, a few of my friends have as well… and really, all he is doing is capitalizing on OUR love and morbid curiosity of the negative, of drama, and dank gossip. Some would argue bloggers like that aren’t really doing anything wrong. I *sort of* agree. But still, my friend had some really sh*tty things said about her, plastered on this D*uchie guy’s Blog for all to see. So, what do we do? Do we complain or do we try to be bigger than them and not give them our click to their site? I did my part today by NOT going to the Blog site to see for myself. She told me what it said and that was good enough for me.
You guys, let’s all try to cut 1 negative thing out of our every day and replace it with 1 good thing. Mine for today will be I won’t flip off the enviable stupid, Asian, blonde, female, texting driver that swerves into my lane or pulls out in front of me or sits at a green light because she’s face-deep into a game of Angry Birds on her Android phone. No… instead I will wave to her politely, with a smile, and then drive over to Perez’s house and throw him my bone. I shalst throw it right on in him. See. That’s kindness.
And here is a random photo that should make you smile. It sure made me smile :).
I had to poop again… So I thought I’d have a conversation with you all, because I know some of you are sick enough to watch me go over stuff whilst on bowl.