Cheese = Farts.

I made the most yummiest cheese ravioli and cause last night and I am paying for it today with heavy farting. Surprisingly there is no odor accompanying what sounds like the horn section of a Hollywood Bowl show. And don’t get me started on how much louder my farts are when my *ss is shaved. Then it sounds like tubas- all tubas in the horn section, folks.

Regular Poop to Mushy Poop to The Liquid Sh*ts

This title really does say it all. Why does that happen? I want an actual medical explanation as to why, rolling into my 10-12 minute time on the toilet my BM has gone from solid and respectable- impressive even, to mushy and not fun to wipe up after, to liquid (first just falling, then more power driven.. let’s say “rocket-like” or “explosive”). I’d really like to know why this happens? Is it the cheese ravioli from last night- or the fact that I stole them from my friend’s fridge (I really did) and I’m being punished for stealing…?
I’m still pooping. It’s been 15 minutes. And it smells in here.

Keep no secrets, tell no lies.

So, I don’t really have any secrets, at least none that anyone would care about. So here’s a little ditty that most people wouldn’t share to a bunch of wh*rey strangers, but I’ll totally tell MY wh*rey strangers: This tiny little pill my Crazy Doctor (not “my Doctor is crazy ‘Crazy'” he’s a Psychiatrist, so he’s a “Crazy Doctor”, just like I’d call a Gynecologist as a P*ssy Doctor) gave me to help me sleep REALLY works, I’m back to my normal 12 hours/night, lol. But the funny side effect is that it makes me wanna eat EVERYTHING in the kitchen. I have woken up with a small party’s worth of cleaning to do the next morning in the kitchen! Seriously, it’s like a pot pill. All I wanna do is munch munch munch (lesbians-focus… focus) and then I fall asleep!
And that’s it. You may continue what you were doing.