Here’s a simple little diddy- I am sitting on the toilet, quietly surfing the web, minding my own business. Then, from the other side of the bathtub curtain I start hearing creaking. It stops then starts again. I’m thinking “Holy crap, 1 of 2 things is happening: we’re either about to have a f*cking earthquake, or the demon from “The Last Exorcism” movie that is currently on Pause on Netflix in the living room, is about to jump out at me.” So, what did I do? I decided I’d wait it out and just Blog about it. Yeah.
One of my dumb-b*tch friends told me to get the offices painted and furnished already before everyone quits. I say “I’m trying to do it right, save resources and our start-up cash- you know, the money I made by bl*wing soldiers their moment back into port. Driving to Long Beach was exhausting. Anyway, so she says “Make it simple, rent a Mexican”. She said it as though there was nothing wrong with that statement. I wouldn’t “rent a Mexican”. I would ask him if would do the work and then when the job was done tell him his work was sub-par (like I do when Candice Cayne is done with “her work” right before throwing her out of my house). Then I wouldn’t pay him. But “Rent a Mexican”? That’s just mean.
So, I was looking for a parking spot after dropping my semi-handicapt friend off at the eatery first, and I’m doing the typical LA/NY block-circling and I’m about to turn and I see this older (than me) man on all fours (Yes, I know, I just said “All Fours, you f*uckin’ pigs) just barely out of the crosswalk and almost on the sidewalk. I figure he had just tripped, and would get the Hell up and continue on his way. Nope, he couldn’t manage to get his bearings and back up to his feet. Now traffic is driving right by him, dangerously close to him. Then 2 people walk in front of my car towards him in the opposite crosswalk and are 10 feet from the poor guy and I think to myself “Well this will be nice, I’m going to witness people helping people. Nope. The 2 d*uche-bags walk right by him. I hit the hazards and jump out…. and even though the guy behind me can clearly see the guy, and it’s obvious why I’m jumping out of my car, he starts honking. (He can s*ck my d*ck at this point- I’m GLAD he’s stuck there!). I get to the guy, help him to his feet and his nose is bleeding and he’s a little cut up. Apparently, he had done a face-plant forgetting to lift his step for the curb. Just as I’m getting him to a chair at the local burger joint 20 feet away, a pair of good samaritans show up. These 2 c*ck-suckers (and I say that not because they did anything wrong, quite the opposite, it’s just that they are actual c*ck-suckers, “Gays”). They had come from the Starbucks ALL the way across the opposite corner of the block because they saw him fall and saw that no one was helping. So, he must have been there for a god 1/2 minute before I stopped, right?! Anyway, the 2 guys go and get him napkins for his nose bleed and a bag of ice for his knee. We stayed with him and talked for a bit to make sure he was OK and going to remain OK. The guy jokingly swore he had only had 4 drinks. But you know, at least he came right out and just said it. I love that.
So, one of the 2 pony-riders gave me his card and of course now I’m going to have to have a 3-way with them. The job never ends.
2 thumbs up to the guys that helped…. But probably not in the way they’d want…..
Last night I fell in love again. I had forgotten how it felt. It was so emotional, I felt it as it was happening, almost like a warmth of happiness coming over me. People- I am talking about driving down the 110 Freeway late late at night with the iPod delivering what I like to call “*ss-thumping” music through a sound system I would like to f*ck hard.
Letter responding to dumb b*tch that somehow works at Apple Computers. She had to take over for this more dumberer b*tch because that dumberer b*tch was saying things that were at least standing out as stUpiT- even to her. Follow so far? Good. Now, the following almost sounds professional and very well written, with just a snark of c*ntiness form me. Don’t be fooled. Please read on….:
I am truly sorry to inform you that I couldn’t get the video recorder out and recording quick enough. But this is what it looked like: This chick was a WH*RE!! I mean it’s kinda’ cold outside and she was wearing a skirt so short that everyone with at least 5/20 vision became her Gynecologist.
BTW, not a fan of the untrimmed lady part. I’m a fan of a bald monkey myself. She had a forest going on.