Read slowly.

I was up all night and am hitting the sheets now, which means I will sleep all day and be unable to post numerous dirrty posts. So my advice to you is this: Read this very very slowly so it lasts all day. Most of you probably failed your GEDs so I’m sure taking most of the day to read this isn’t a far cry from my assumption. “Assumption”. 3 syllables, you dumb, dumb b*tches.

PS: When you’re done getting someone literate to read this to you, stare at the picture of me and tell me you’d hit that.
PPS: Not “hit” like my Ex would do… “hit” as in nail/boing/tap/enter/pay $5 for oral.

Do Boobs ever get boring? I say “no”.

Boobs don’t get boring, and this is why:
-No 2 are the same (in pairs or on the same lady).
-They bounce.
-They are interchangeable with just a few thousand dollars & 2 weeks recovery time.
-They are the top 2 things men & *lesbians think about most during the day. *(please see important note at bottom)
-They secrete milk about 9 months after their **owner has sex without a rubber. **(please see important note at bottom)
-They’re so so much fun to play with, as long as giant, pencil eraser sized nipples don’t get in the way. No one likes those. Seriously, no one does.

*Lesbians are in a class called “Homosexuals” and that means there is no place in God’s Kingdom for them. I know this to be a true fact because that crazy b*tch who pickets Soldiers funerals said so. I hate that dumb b*tch.

**Women like this are also known as “Wh*res”.

I See D*uchie People.

Someone emailed me today and asked me where I get off posting gross stuff and thinking it’s OK.
Normally, I don’t engage with negative stupidity, but I did send this d*uchie d*uche-bag a note back saying “Yes, I get off, usually into a sock… good thing I have two feet, because it’s usually twice a day! Nothing like staining my already dirrty socks!”

I haven’t heard back from her. Wimp.