Rock Hard and Horny

I was checking on my 2 turtles this morning and found one of my friends’ Marcs male turtles was doing the “mating dance” (it’s how turtles court each other- Google it, don’t be lazy) with my baby Lewis. Please let me say upfront that Lewis is actually a “Louise”. Anyway, I would like and appreciate it very much if Marc would tell his horny little turtle to knock it off. Louis is 20 years old. His stupid turtle is maybe 3 or 4 years old. What the f*ck is his turtle thinking? She is old enough to be his great great great fantastic grandmother in turtle biology. Even if she were a spring chicken I would not allow this relationship. I am not saying his turtle is ugly or not good enough for her, it’s just that his turtle is ugly and not good enough for her.
Marc, tell your horny little rockstar to knock it off or you are going to be presented with an eviction notice. Your 5 unattractive turtles are sharing my girls’ gigantic, gorgeous water trough, sundeck, tetra pond filter and food because I have a big heart. They needed a bigger habit and now they have one… 2 years so far. They have a forever home. But if your monster tries to touch my old lady one more time you will find him in a box on your doorstep shammed with a note written on his shell in permanent marker saying “I’ve been evicted because I’m addicted to older ladies and I can’t keep my rock hard shell to myself.”
You’ve been warned.

Now enjoy these gorgeous photos from this morning of my Lewis. 🙂
She’s gorgeous in the hand
She’s gorgeous on the ground
She’s gorgeous on deck.
She’s gorgeous hanging’ with her buddy. Please notice the shadow
of myself taking this photo looks like 26 is pooping an iPhone,
hand and arm. Just saying’.

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